Speak the Truth in Love, No Matter the Consequences
In his letter to the Ephesians, the Apostle Paul warns Christians against being like children who are “tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes.”
“Rather,” Paul says, “speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ” (Ephesians 4:14-15). Thus, being able to “speak the truth in love” is part of what it means to mature in the Christian faith and become more like Jesus.
But in a world where the meanings of the words “truth” and “love” are both questioned and misunderstood, what does it look like to speak the truth in love?
The inseparability of truth and love
Truth and love, properly understood, are inseparable friends. 1 Corinthians 13:6 states that love “does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.” Yet Christians are often told that in order to “love,” they must suppress the truth of what the Bible clearly teaches.
But true love differs significantly from the glossy ideals that saturate the modern world. Far too often, love is conflated with affirmation and agreement. For example, if someone claims to “be” something, the “loving” thing to do is affirm “who they are.” The next “loving” thing, we are told, is to agree with how they act in accordance with “who they are.” Much of our culture takes this for granted.
But what if these self-asserted claims are directly contrary to reality? What if they’re logically incoherent? What if these incongruities endanger the well-being of the one who seeks to live by them over the long term? Should love still compel us to affirm what is said and agree with its implications? Or is the loving thing to take a different approach—one that seeks truth and the good of the person over superficial agreement?
Indeed, true love isn’t a mere verbal affirmation or a superficial promise to blindly support every decision someone makes. It’s a devotion that runs deeper, caring for the whole person and giving oneself for the good of another—what is embodied in the cross of Jesus Christ.
It is a love that transcends agreement. Scripture instructs us to love our neighbor as ourselves, even those we disagree with, going so far as to love our enemies, to do good to those who hate us, to bless those who curse us, and to pray for those who abuse us. (Mark 12:31, Luke 6:27-28).
The price of speaking the truth in love
For many of our clients at Alliance Defending Freedom, speaking the truth in love has come at a cost. And often, these men and women were punished not for saying what is true, but because they couldn’t affirm what is not true.
An increasingly common example of the cost of lovingly speaking the truth is what happens when teachers and professors can’t promote the lies of gender ideology to their students. Multiple ADF clients have suffered consequences such as written warnings or even termination for declining to use incorrect pronouns for a student. Even trying to accommodate the student by using a different name or avoiding pronouns altogether isn’t good enough for some schools.
Another example is foster parents and foster kids. ADF is representing several families who have fostered children for years but are now being prevented from renewing their licenses. Some state governments are telling these families that in order to continue fostering, they will need to promote gender ideology by using pronouns inconsistent with a child’s sex, take children to events like pride parades, and agree to affirm ideas and beliefs about gender contrary to their religious beliefs.
As devoted Christians, all these families would love any child placed in their care. They also believe that God created everyone either male or female. Loving vulnerable children shouldn’t require them to compromise their beliefs and lie to the children about gender or take them to events that celebrate false messages.
Seeking the good of others
Speaking the truth in love isn’t easy. In a world where truth isn’t agreed upon and love is often disconnected from truth, speaking the truth in love can seem like a radical act.
So when Christians love in the way Jesus commanded us to love, we may be met with adversity. Unjust labels may be thrown around, ironically branding those who stand for the truth as purveyors of hatred. Yet our mission is born from God’s love. We’re here to love those who disagree with us or treat us poorly. And that means telling them the truth with kindness.
In a world that pushes everyone to be self-centered, real selfless love shines all the brighter. Genuine love encourages and builds up (1 Thessalonians 5:11). It’s not just lip service that claims affection regardless of one’s choices. It’s a love that seeks the good of the other, even when that might come at a cost to us.
